wrigley field is MILF paradise
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
