Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I just pynch a tree in the face
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
No stitches, just platelets and will power
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Randomize
