Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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