I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
