either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
