I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
