I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
