he wants to bone in the snuggie
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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