Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
