Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
