how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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