she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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