u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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