Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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