the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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