This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
