Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
