Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
