I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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