My room smells like vodka and shame
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
