My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
