Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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