Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
