Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
