You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
