how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
