You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
