Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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