They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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