dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
