...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
