as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
