wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
