I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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