My nipple is on Facebook.
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
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