I want to have your abortion
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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