if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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