i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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