Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
