Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
