I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
