8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
