you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
oh god the rape fog is back!
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
