after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
