forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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