South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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