I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
