what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
