How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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