guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
