In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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