As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
