I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
You can't motorboat a personality
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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