sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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