I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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