Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
