wat bout pragnant strippers??
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
