why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
