How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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