That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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