I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
