Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
