Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
