As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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