on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
