No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
