youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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