You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
