We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
