after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
