Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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