I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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