When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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