i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
