Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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