3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
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