Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
