so explain again why im purple
no
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
