i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
