I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
